Four Myers

Presents vs Time

2011-12-13T09:50:00.001-06:00

Christmas is upon us once more. As the parents of 19 and 15 year old children, it has been quite some time since there was anything “fun” under the tree. By fun I mean awesome toys that strike the imagination. I have to admit that with the exception of McDonald’s toys or other rinky-tink items, I have ALL of my children’s favorite toys in storage waiting for the day when they would like them back for their own children. Back in the “fun toy” days before wrapping, my husband and I would dismantle toys from all from the horrible Fort Knox shrink wrap, ties, staples, and other torturous packing and reinsert them into the box so that the kids could start playing right when they opened them without any pieces thrown away on accident.

It was always hard to find a place to stop shopping when they were little. The temptation to spend without reservation was always there because there were SO MANY choices. Fortunately, our children always preferred playing outside when they could so we didn’t have only video games under the tree. Our daughter never liked dolls – so Little Pet Shop and the like found places with GI Joe’s and other toys that required imagination. With a daddy that always worked swing shift, our children knew how to play quietly. They would take their toys into the living room and set up kingdoms of their own and be entertained for hours, so imaginative toys ruled the day.

As often as Tim’s schedule would allow we used to have “coloring nights”. This was different than family night. Family night was watching movies and eating popcorn (and was hard to come by because Tim was often not home), but friends and family might still drop by or call and we were open to whatever might come up. Coloring nights on the other hand, were sacred. We shut off all phones (cell AND land line). Locked the door. Pulled the curtains. Put a sign on the door that we hoped visitors would come again some other time as we were unavailable. Looking back, I think the act of putting the sign on the door made the fact that we were devoting our UNINTERRUPTED time to them a solid thing. We had piles of coloring books and a giant tub of crayons. We put the coloring books very close to one another on the floor so that when we laid on the floor to color our heads were almost touching. Tim and I would color and be silent. As a parent, it has always been hard for me not to prod and pry to get every last detail. Tim is always the smarter one. He just asks a question or two – enough to open a door – and then he waits for THEM to talk. On coloring night in the space of our silence, the children would begin to talk. Talk about their day, their friends, their dreams, their worries. It was amazing the amount of insight into two little people that would come out during those few hours. Sometimes we would laugh until we cried. Sometimes their thoughts would extend into what was going on in the world in general – political, medical – whatever they might have heard on the news (because their mom is a news junkie) and shock us with how much they understood. Now, those moments seem crystalline in my mind. If it were a movie it would be a cold winter with snow blowing, looking in a window at a family. The movie lens would have a filter on it so that the scene was all misty and magical looking on the edges to emphasize the togetherness of the family against the outside world.

The other day I ran across the basket of coloring books. You could not possibly have enough money to offer me to buy those coloring books. Looking back on the pages I can tell which child colored what (different styles) and which ones we colored. When I am old and gray and my mind is gone, I hope that someone gives me a coloring book and those days come back to me. Obviously as a sentimental person, I knew that the kids growing up would come too soon for me. I just didn’t know HOW too soon. Son is 19 and living on his own. Daughter is 15 and already working towards her goal of being a hospice nurse. They have occasional days where it is obvious that someone spoiled them (I don’t know who she was but when I find her I will smack her!), but for the most part they are well on their way to being people who give something to society. I am proud of them for being independent thinkers and making their way, but I miss the days of “coloring nights”.

Both of our kids have said they don’t want much for Christmas this year. Son wants a new cap. Daughter wants fuzzy socks. Maybe what they really need is a coloring book and new crayons.

The End of the Road (or at least this mile marker)

2011-11-29T14:14:00.002-06:00

The Stadium Theater in our small town has closed. This fills me with a sense of loss that is not only connected to the building itself, but to what it represents. For 62 years families in our area were able to go there for entertainment the old fashioned way. Popcorn, candy.....and more movies than anyone probably could name. Occasional remodeling here and there kept things from falling apart, but much remains the same. For instance there are lights covered by painted glass on the side walls that would come on when the main lights went down that I always found fascinating (the antique lover in me wonders what will happen to them). The theater is small enough and the screen was big enough that when the movie started playing no matter where you sat you could lose yourself in the story and make it feel like you were within the movie rather than just watching it. When my husband and I were young and very hard-pressed to scrape together money for dinner out, the $1.25 ticket price was just affordable enough that if we split a soda and popcorn we could have a date without breaking our meager budget. We would be sitting in our choice seat (on the right hand side closer to the front) just waiting for the movie to start, munching a little popcorn and invariably he would speak to 3/4 of the people walking up to find their seats. "You know you live in a small town when" comes to mind- when you know most of the people sitting down to watch a movie with you. There is a certain feeling of home that abounds in this little place. I have been to larger venues that have the fancy reclining seats, six or more movies to choose from and all the other bells and whistles. None of them feel the same. I doubt I will go to the movies very often from now on. Having grown up going to the Stadium and watching movies there, the sense of familiarity and comfort just isn't there in the larger places - and they charge 15.9 patrillion more dollars to watch a movie anyway. Movie night at the Stadium felt like going to grandpa and grandma's house and the loss of it to our community will mean more than just the loss of a place to watch movies. It is also the loss of a way of life. One of the last of the "downtown" places. Driving down main street in small town America, seeing the shuttered stores and theaters is an example of all that is being lost in our country. The clothing stores, shoe stores, dime stores (do you all remember Graham's Dime Store?) theaters and diners that used to draw families to town for "Saturday" shopping and entertainment. They have been replaced by cold and ugly box stores, malls and monstrosities of buildings selling things we really don't need. I guess that is the thing that bothers me the most. These places and the closeness and familiarity are being lost to us and our lives are becoming less and less connected. When you frequent small businesses in a small town on a steady basis, you see people you know and you remain connected, even if in a brief moment. With the loss of our "downtown" in small town America, we are also losing our base. Our roots. What feeling of connection do you have in a mall? In a Sam's Club? Nothing. Rudolph's. Remember Rudolph's? Miss Jean watched my husband's brothers and sisters grow up. We would go in there to buy his jeans after we got married and she walked right to the stack of the kind he liked and pulled out his size. We have a couple of stores left downtown. Linn's Shoe Store. Bray's Drug Store. Norton's Hardware. Not much else is hanging on. How sad. My kids will never walk into Graham's Dime Store and be bewildered by all the little nooks and crannies chock full of wonders. Instead they know things about malls full of over-priced nonsense like Abercrombie and Fitch, Hollister, Buckle and the like. One of my best friends is in the 70-80 age range. She can tell you anything you want to know about Jerseyville during her life-time. She can describe the layout of Don's Department store when you first walked in. What they sold. The names of most of the workers. Kirby's Drug Store. What her favorite things to purchase there were. She is a fountain of information about the way things used to be. One wonders if perhaps maybe they shouldn't STILL be. Life is all about change. Change must be embraced. Medical advancements, technology that allows endless access to knowledge, all these other things we know have made improvements - this is true. In retrospect, however, history tells us that some change was not for the better. One wonders if perhaps there should be a headstone at each end of main street. "SMALL TOWN LIES HERE 1800-2000 MISSED ETERNALLY".

Time flying by..

2011-11-28T22:47:00.003-06:00

Wow..... I had forgotten about this blog I had started until a friend of mine posted a link to hers tonight. How extremely odd to go back at the blink of an eye (obviously my passwords are not that good if I can remember it from this long ago!) and see exactly where I was at that time!

Tonight I am sitting in my warm and toasty home in my warm and comfortable flannel wrapped up in a warm and thick afghan thinking warm and fuzzy thoughts about me and mine. Feeling so incredibly blessed.

Regardless as to what the future holds, in this moment I have a piece of heaven. So much of my life has been just that. Little pieces of heaven.

It is my belief that happiness is a fleeting emotion. Much lauded - but the anticipation is greater than the reality. More to be desired is contentment and peace. They are not fleeting emotions, but states of being. I have found at this stage in my life that if I focus on all that is right, those things that are wrong have less sting. Less bite. Less drama.

I do not know what the future holds, but I know that nothing good comes easy. It takes courage and hard fighting to hold on to that which is worth while. I am standing as I always have. Steadfast against the world that seeks to distract and disarm. My life is boring compared to some, but I have fought hard to have the family and life that I have and I am content. I am at peace.

It is good.

Pieces of my mind - - (tidbits from a forum)

2009-04-07T15:45:00.003-05:00

Althea1, conversing in such a manner as this forum is frought with potential misunderstandings because you can't see expressions, hear tone of voice or the cadence of speech. Bearing that in mind, allow me to clarify my point.

1) While I respected President Bush as a man, I too, disagreed with some of his actions. I cannot, however, say the same for the current Administrator. I have NO respect for him. When the heat came on him, he abandoned the church he had gone to for 20 years because it was not politically expedient for him to associate with them any longer. That, in a nutshell, shows the lack of courage and the strength to stand for his own beliefs. Either that, or he was wishy-washy and without a foundational set of beliefs in the first place. That is only the beginning of the examples I could name. That has NOTHING to do with PARTY. That has to do with personal character.
2) You use the word "evolve". The definition of which is "to develop gradually; to develop via evolutionary change". ---- To say what is happening now is the evolution of our country is to say that a peach was once an apple.
3) Static -- I realize that things aren't static. Without change, it would be like a stagnant pool of water. Change is good provided it is for the good of EVERYONE - not just on the backs of some.
4) Health insurance? My mother has none. Went for years without it. Suffered physically because of the lack of it. Blamed nobody for the lack of it - just simply couldn't afford it. It is not an unalienable right of being an American. It is a privilege to be able to afford medical care. Is that good? No. Is it a fact? Yes.
5) DEMOCRACY? I must tread dangerous waters here. The southern states were built upon the backs of the African slaves. Some of these slaves were stolen by slavemasters and transported here against their will. Some were sold by their own countrymen for profit and were brought here against their will... fast forward 125 years....now, the current Administrator says that for a democracy, for FAIRNESS AND EQUALITY, so that EVERYONE has the same financial standing and equal financial opportunities --- now I and people like me must work twice as hard just to provide for our own families - - because the majority of what we make is going to go into GOVERNMENT COFFERS to pay for the never-ending entitlement programs that will make everyone happy and equal? Did we learn nothing from the first actions of slavery? NOW WE ARE GOING TO ENSLAVE ANOTHER GROUP TO BENEFIT PEOPLE WHO SIT AND DRINK MINT JULIPS WHILE THE WORKERS ARE IN THE FIELDS? It is the same thing. The only difference is we have traded a cotton field for corporate America and the people sitting on the porch are not just white - they are WHITE, MEXICAN, AFRICAN AMERICAN, EVERY COLOR - with the one identifying trait being that they are LAZY AND ARE WAITING ON SOMEONE ELSE TO HAND THEM THE GOODS. That is not my definition of a DEMOCRACTIC SOCIETY.
6) You said that I'm "just on the other side of the divide now". That is where I again must part ways with you. I was trying to explain that NEVER before now have I FELT THAT THERE WAS A DIVIDE. I always respected people of all kinds - rich, poor, purple polka-dotted. Didn't matter. I know that there are people on both sides of the racial and financial lines who are very disdainful of the other side. Those kind of people will always CREATE a divide if they can't find one. What people who are of your belief don't understand is that the DIVIDE that is being felt right now has NOTHING TO DO WITH PARTY OR CLASS. Most of us don't give one tiny little iota about Democrat vs Republican. I can honestly say that I have NO VALUES in common with either and NONE of them speak for me. The divide comes because I see my country walking down a path towards the Government having control over every facet of my life. These things will come if we can't find the guts to stop them - - - forced volunteerism for kids, government control over my own home (under the guise of being "green"), control over the food I eat (under the guise of safe food), whether or not I have the right to protect my property and life (not even bothering to hide the coming gun control), worship as I choose (to be Christian these days makes you very non-progressive).

These changes are being forced upon me because someone feels like doing all these things will bring needed "change and improvement". How does taking from the calloused hand of work and giving to the soft hand of lazy improve anything???? I don't care what color you are or what kind of house you live in. Get off your glutteous maxi and work for your food and shelter just like I have!

Sadly, these are the very reasons that the Pilgrims left their country 300 years ago. Persecution in their daily lives.

Then there is the subject of war/peace. The battle rages on. He (the current Administrator) is going to be sending more boots to Afghanistan. Why are you and yours not crying foul about that?

4/7/2009 4:07:27 PM
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Althea1, I honestly mean you no disrespect but one thing I will never understand is why do people who hold your beliefs and our current President's philosophy even live here?

I am not asking this out of sarcasm or disrespect. I seriously just don't know why people would choose to live in a country where they obviously do not feel at home, where everything you see and hear is a problem and you want to change everything literally from the ground up. Why live here? Why not study the cultures of other societies and pick up and move?

Life is so short. I would REFUSE to live in a country where I believe that everyone is mistreated. Everything that our current President says and stands for indicates that he does not believe that there is much at all RIGHT with our country. Likewise, if you listen closely to the tone and cadence of many of his followers a spirit of anger and hostility is readily apparent. Anger and hostility at what? If it is that bad here why do you all stay? Feel free to go somewhere that you don't have such anger and bitterness simmering in your soul. It can't possibly be good for your health.

That being said, beware. When you approach people with the complete lack of disrespect and reverse discrimination (NOT just skin color, but financial discrimination as well) that is such an open policy as it is in this Administration as well as its followers from Hollywood on down to the streets, you are stirring a pot filled with ingredients that you can't even imagine.

I have NEVER been a person that tolerated discrimination whether it be against skin color or monetary worth. I have lived a life where I deliberately cultivated friends and business associates from across the spectrum. What the current Administration and its followers don't realize is that by constantly crying- foul! discrimination! make up for sins of the past! righteous anger! evil America! - is that you are taking away the compassion that many people felt for the downtrodden and/or people who have been discriminated against.

I will help ANYBODY that wants assistance. I will help ANYBODY that I see trying to help themselves. I WILL HELP NOBODY WHO STANDS IN MY FACE AND SAYS THAT I OWE IT TO THEM FOR REASONS PAST OR PRESENT.

The attitude and demeanor of the current Administration is serving NOTHING except to deepen the divide that fractured our country and to CREATE A DIVIDE WHERE THERE WAS NONE BEFORE.

Debate goes on and on about Iraq and how we should or shouldn't be there. If we pull out of Iraq, then the same people who are whining about being there will then start whining because we AREN'T somewhere else - like Africa and Afghanistan, or the next New Orleans. Our soldiers cannot win with people like that. The complainers and whiners don't want them to do their jobs to protect our country, but should tragedy befall on our own back doorstep, then they are the first ones whining and crying like banshees because they want the military there to rescue them. What happened to the brave spirit that founded our country? Strike out on your own and rescue yourself! Our ancestors went into uncharted territories with their families at their sides and literally carved out an existance from the wilderness. They sit on a log and wait for somone to bring them a loaf of bread. They grew the corn to make the flour to make the bread! Now I am being told by the current Administration and its followers that I have to go to work to provide my own family's bread, BUT TEN OF MY POOR UNFORTUNATE NEIGHBORS WHO ARE SITTING ON THEIR PORCHES WAITING FOR BREAD!!!!?????? I think not.

Catch a plane. Ride a boat. Go somewhere and start a new country if you don't like this one.

I must apologize for my anger, but I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR BEING AMERICAN.

I WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MISTAKES OF THOSE WHO HAVE GONE BEFORE. NEITHER CAN I TAKE CREDIT FOR THE ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND THE COUNTRY THAT WAS FORGED BY THOSE VERY PEOPLE. I CAN'T CHANGE THE PAST. I WILL, HOWEVER, DO WHAT I CAN TO PROTECT THE FUTURE OF MY FAMILY AND MY COUNTRY!!!
4/7/2009 2:40:31 PM
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boggiestu - - thanks for making me laugh through my sobs.

Watching the changes in our country is like watching a loved one die of cancer. Eaten alive. Walking dead.

Americans in mourning.
4/7/2009 10:22:46 AM
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He is right. He is NOT at war with ISLAM. He is at war with your average, everyday American citizen. If you are an average, everyday American citizen and you just happen to be a Christian as well, then enjoy your freedom now because it is slipping away. He has NO love for this country. He and his wife have NO respect for our country. It becomes ever more apparent every day.

Four years. He has four years. Four years to annihilate what has taken over 200 years to build. He is rushing, sprinting - moving forward as quickly as he can in minute and hidden ways via new laws and in obvious ways because he really doesn't give a rat's hind-end what America thinks. He is going to take his four years and run towards the vision of America that he has where everyone is entitled to wealth whether they work for it or not, and nobody has to worry about anything because the government (he and his pals) are in charge.

At least if (when) our country goes belly-up his plans will be forced to derail because he won't be able to fund his Utopia. That is the one consolation I have while my dreams and my freedom are being destroyed.

I hope all of you sheep who believed his pretty (empty) words are happy. Sheep being led right over the edge of the cliff.
4/7/2009 8:52:06 AM
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Midwest Flooding

2008-06-27T14:26:00.005-05:00

The impact of the flood of
'93 is still very fresh and vivid in my mind. The devastation was beyond imagining for those who only watched it through the media. For those who lived through it or were close to those affected by it, it was life changing. The flood waters at that time did not recede for weeks upon weeks. By the time they did recede, irreparable damage had been done. That was supposed to be the "500" year flood. Fast forward to 2008 and we are looking at floods of major proportion yet again, with the only saving grace being that it wasn't from all the rivers that had been inundated before - just a select few. Levee after levee has given way. Every time one gives way, a town or farms are demolished and yet it relieves the pressure for those on down the line. One has to wonder -- the levees that were built in reaction to the results of the flood of 1993 are numerous - how much have those levees impacted the newly flooding areas? Everyone from the top of the map to the bottom tries to protect their own individual areas, but each area that man protects causes the force of nature to move on down with even greater velocity.

I am not an engineer by any means, but it doesn't take a brain scientist to understand that when you try to adjust the boundaries of the mighty rivers, the water will win every time. The water is where it is for a reason. God's plan is not faulty. When civilization encroaches upon areas that are in the path of nature, nature is going to win every time. Living, working, and enjoying the water is second nature to those of us who live close by it, but underlying the daily life has to be the understanding that we humans are no match for the forces of nature that God laid the pattern for.

The devastation these people are suffering is heartbreaking. The endless work to try to save home and local economy is enough to break the spirit, but because Americans are generally a hearty people, they pick up the pieces and go on. It is after the waters recede, the cameras and reporters are packed up and gone home that the reality of the damage soaks in to those who must shovel the muck that is covering what was once their dream.

As our population continues to grow and we go into every corner of what used to be wilderness and carve out our spots, we can't help but realize that we are living on borrowed time before nature claims it back. Engineers, bulldozers and contractors may plan, scheme and promise miracles in "conservation management", but the end result is always going to be the same. No plan of a man here on earth is foolproof. There is nothing in this world that cannot be destroyed should God choose not to change the outcome. God doesn't bring this devastation upon us, but sometimes He chooses not to stop it and allows us to be reminded that we puny humans are not in control.

My heart bleeds for those in not only my own area, but those in all other areas who are being affected by the raging, angry, muddy waters of the Mississippi. I pray that God gives them grace to endure and strength for the battle ahead. The river is in the blood of so many who love it and all that it represents. For thousands of years, people have been drawn to the water for all things that support our lives. It has only been in the last few hundred years that man has presumed to have the audacity to try to control the waters. Obviously, they are not learning their lesson very quickly. The Native Americans and the settlers who originally lived by the water's shores respected the danger and were prepared to flee when necessary. It has only been in the last few hundred years with the industrial revolution and technology industries booming they have come up with myriad ways and trial balloons of controlling God's plan, to no avail. We must return to the former days of respect for the powers of nature and not put ourselves in harms way expecting that the worst won't happen, because invariably it does. For those who live in the tornado belt, we know that we'd better have a safety plan. Those of us who live in fault zones better have emergency supplies. There is danger from nature everywhere and one cannot avoid building or settling where there isn't something possible that can happen, but be aware of the danger and trying to control nature are two different things. Perhaps eventually we will stop trying stop that which is mightier than us.

Creepin' Crud of the Chest and Cranial Cavities!!

2008-06-26T12:05:00.003-05:00

My brother Michael - who sees beauty in everything - - and I do mean EVERYTHING took this picture of fungus on a tree limb. I think that fungus is amongus!! Yikes! I have had the creepin' crud for a week now!! I am sick of being sick! I am 43 years old and I have a stupid ear infection! ARGH!!!!! I sound like someone who just spent three days straight in a bar. I cough 'till I gag. Whine, whine, whine. Puny. That's me! I should be outside working in my garden, not sitting on the couch holding my head to keep it from falling off! haha. I must admit, though, having ear infection makes you remember how badly they hurt so you can have more sympathy and pray harder for the little ones who have them!

Babies that Grow Up

2008-06-25T16:34:00.003-05:00

Today I have been thinking about my babies. The baby to the left is my brother's youngest (isn't the photo Michael took great?!), not mine. Mine are old. They are 12 and 16. It happened last night. They used to be babies that loved nothing more than to spend time with mom and dad. J used to sit on our laps and snuggle while he observed the world - while playing with our ears. S, well she was a puzzle for a while. She didn't even walk until she was 15 months old. Finally, the Dr. told J to stop carrying her every where she wanted to go or she would never be able to walk! She spoke a language that only J understood. He would constantly have to come and interpret for her because we couldn't understand her. The first day she was born he wouldn't let anyone hold her. She was HIS baby.
NOBODY, but NOBODY adored J more than S.

That was then. Now they hate each other. I tell them all the time that whether they like it or not, God ordered this family and we are all together and sorry about that if they don't care for how it came together.

I live in high hopes that someday they will be devoted to one another again. My great-grandmother used to tell my mom and my aunt that "someday it would be just them, and they needed to be good to one another and love each other". Now they are seeing that come to fruition and they understand the importance of it at this time in their lives. I find myself telling my babies the same thing. Someday we will be gone, and they will have their own families, but nobody loves you quite like a brother and sister can!

I am sure it is just the stage they are in, but I pray that God softens their hearts towards each other and this nonsense of infighting, bickering and one-upmanship STOPS! They are breaking my heart!

I, of course, NEVER fought with my siblings or called them names or waited until Dad or Mom wasn't looking to do my best to physically SMASH them. I ALWAYS sat with pleasant smile and hugged and loved on them and wiped their tears - I NEVER caused their tears.

Buawahha!! Yeah Right. Paybacks. That must be what this season for my life is!

Long Range Goals

2008-06-24T12:43:00.005-05:00

This morning as I was thinking about some of work that I still have ahead of me in both my spiritual and my natural life, I was reminded of this picture I took of one of my favorite places -The Smokies in Tennessee. As far as the eye could see, there were tops of the ranges showing occasionally through the fog. The fog would shift and move, revealing yet another crest. I thought of the original settlers and how daunting it must have been to reach the top of a range only to find yet another one waiting - and then the fog would shift and they would see that their journey had barely even begun.

My spiritual journey has been like that. For a long, long while, I was content to dwell in a little comfortable place that I had created for myself in my spiritual life. Same routine, same work, same relationships, same end results with no surprises. Suddenly, without warning, life slapped me upside the head one more time and I realized that too much of my spiritual well-being was wrapped up in the people around me. My relationship with my God was far too dependent upon my relationship with other people. When those relationships became changed in some way, it was apparent to me that I had become too comfortable in the world I had created through habit and comfort. I have always tried to challenge myself to be nicer today than I was yesterday, do one more good deed, and on and on. However, I failed to take my progress in stride with a long-range view of the future. Now, looking back, I can see that the occasional shake-up must be necessary for your natural and spiritual health so that you can reshape your goals and your life plans to accommodate the changes that we all must face.

Since then, I have removed myself to a certain extent from the emotional view of things to take a long-term logical view. What lies before me is much like what the settlers faced in the early days before planes, trains and automobiles. There is one mountain range after another ahead of me. Mountains with nasty names like criticism, snide thoughts, judging others, failure to be a good steward, hateful words, temptation, and all the others that you probably face in your own life just like I do. Sometimes the fog shifts and a mountain pops out that I didn't even know was there. The fog is beautiful and it protects me from the unpleasantness of knowing exactly what is ahead, but at times it needs to be swept aside by the wind of His spirit so that I may see the truth and the way. Even though the wind carries with it the scent of rain with the acrid bite of thunder and lightening in the air, I have learned when the way is rough and hard to traverse, the wind is howling and there seems to be no shelter to be found, God will see to it that if I just keep walking, there will be reward at the end of the journey. Even when the storms are so thick and strong I have no idea where my feet are taking me, as long as I keep my mind upon Him, He has been leading my steps.

I am not completely through this rough time of my life. Even if I were, I am sure that the next set of mountains is just over the horizon. For now, that is okay. I know that He loves me and mine and really that is all that matters. I don't like climbing and I definitely don't like constantly walking uphill, but if that is what it takes to burn out the dross in my life, then it is all worthwhile. I would that I were the type of person that would be able to show His love no matter what the conditions or what type of person I was dealing with. I would that I was not apt to judge by outward appearances since I know how it feels to be falsely judged. I would that I would have such peace in my heart that nothing but Him would shine through to others in need.

Lofty goals, but without goals nothing can be new. Without goals everything stays the same and becomes stagnant like a pool of undisturbed water - dark and nasty with bad little bugs swarming.

I would not, however, be adverse to the occasional rest area with a nice little picnic table and some pretty views. ;-) Hint, hint, God - - a little bit of rest for the wicked would be greatly appreciated!

Of Tomatoes and People

2008-06-23T13:58:00.006-05:00

This year we planted our garden so extremely early (like barely done snowing early) that we had ripe tomatoes on June 10. Not very many, mind you, but delicious little red tomatoes regardless. I picked the few that were ready the other day and something about those little tomatoes taught me a lesson.

The first tomato I reached for was luscious, red and ripe. It looked like if you squeezed it too hard that the yummy interior would just pop right into your mouth all by itself! The other one that I picked was barely "red" around the body of it, definitely just a little pink at the top by the stem. I felt I was probably rushing it a little but just couldn't withstand the temptation.

Rather than save the best for last as I am normally wont to do, I popped that little red guy right in my mouth when "pthew, yack, spit, pthew". . . I had to spit it out! I wanted to wipe off my tongue right then and there! Even though the outside had looked so scrumpdillyiscious, the inside was nothing but brownish and green something. Don't really care to know what that something was, but it was definitely NOT what my taste buds were set on! The only one left was the little guy that wasn't even hardly past pink yet. When I ate that one it was absolutely like enjoying a warm summer breeze! Does anything taste more like summer than a good home-grown tomato? I don't think so. . . unless it is corn on the cob!

The more I thought about those tomatoes, the more I realized they were like people. So often in this world we are cultured and trained by society to believe that what is seen at first glance is a measure of the person rather than taking the time to look more deeply into the depths to be had in each individual.

Take for instance two elderly sisters that I was acquainted with, Dolores and Sandra (Sandra because I honestly can't remember her name). They were roughly the same age, however, Sandra looked a good 10-15 years younger. When I would see Sandra she was always groomed to perfection, with nails and hair courtesy of the latest salon, clothes just so and she literally reeked of money - expensive perfumes followed her like a cloud. Dolores, on the other hand, well, her hair was obviously courtesy of Miss Clairol's home visit, her fingernails were those of an earth-lover. Her clothes were often stained with whatever project she was working on and seldom matched. Her one concession to vanity was a slash of red lipstick, usually applied with generosity and little thought to the borders of her smile (often times passing the edge of her smile entirely).

Only one time in all the years that I observed Sandra did I see her smile. That was when she was involved in a juicy discussion with group of ladies about some marital issues that someone was having. When I would speak to her, she only acknowledged me with a slight nod of her head, if at all. Dolores on the other hand could barely finish greeting you with effusive happy hello's before she would be greeting someone else who walked by. Dolores was often prone to grabbing your hand or arm to further express her gladness at seeing you while looking straight into your eyes and saying "Have a good day, honey! Isn't it beautiful?". . . this being whether it was 102 degrees in the shade or not. Her hands on yours felt like a man's. They were rough, cut up and weathered to a dark brown. They were the hands of a working woman who was not accustomed to pampering of any sort.

I never met Sandra's husband. Word has it that he made a lot of money during his years, multiplying that which made him a "good catch" to start with. Dolores's husband, on the other hand. . . well, some said he was an alcoholic. I'm not sure about that. Dolores and her husband toiled on their farm together every day. When they would come to town it would often be right beside each other, or if not, the one that came to town was always in a hurry to "get back home to get such and such done". In the later years of Dolores's life, she had a massive stroke. Her husband often would come by on his way to the nursing home. He would get all misty eyed and sort of half-happy, half-sad when he spoke of her. He would mention taking her some of her favorite foods in to her because "She just won't eat! She's getting too skinny!" (she had always been a rather generously proportioned woman). Finally, upon her death, it took him months and months to lose that devastated expression that he wore like a cloak of grief. You didn't have to know him well to know that he had loved her more than himself.

It struck me that when I first met them, I had thought that Sandra was the more "successful" sister. By the standards of the world, probably so. I don't think Dolores had much to her name when she died. Her husband would not have been considered by many to be the man of their dreams, but he loved her. She was never well-groomed and was usually loud and boisterous in her ways. But her laugh. Oh, her laugh! It rang off the walls and whether you had a clue what she was talking about, you couldn't help but find yourself smiling as well!

Maybe often times, we judge people like we do fruit. We knock on the melons, we see if the bananas are overly ripe. We go for the fruit with the least bruises and faulty spots. But think about it! Sometimes the strawberries that are just on the verge of going bad are the sweetest. You have to cut around the bad spots, but they make the BEST treat on ice cream! Isn't that the way we treat people sometimes? Just because someone doesn't LOOK good to us, we often turn our heads or simply just don't acknowledge their presence. It is a researched fact that we as humans are drawn to outward beauty and symmetrical features. We are repulsed by that which we find "different".

I hope that God doesn't judge me the way I have His other children. I hope He looks past all this nonsense on the outside to the person I am in my dreams. I pray that He lets me see with X-ray vision through to the souls of those that He loves. After all, we are ALL His children, are we not?

Bear Bait

2008-06-20T13:05:00.003-05:00

As people just trying to live a daily life in this world we are so often attacked from within and without. I think sometimes even if we were a single family of Eskimos living on an ice field in Alaska with no outside contact we would still find something to complain, criticize and condemn about. Or one of us would be whining about melting snow for water. Or one of us would be mad because nobody filled up the ice trays. Sometimes I think a spirit of discord and wickedness comes about when we are tired and out of sorts, and then - -so quickly and sneakily - - it becomes a habit. A habit that can quickly tear a rent in the fabric of the peace in our homes. It made me think of this picture of a trip we made to Tennessee some years ago. We stayed in a cabin in the woods behind a little old lady's house. The kids were wanting to see a bear in the worst way. Bear (oops, bad pun!) in mind that there was a special little shed that was locked up like Fort Knox in which you had to take your precisely closed, precisely tied trash to. So. . . being the indulgent, sometimes foolish parents that we are, we said. . . oh, what harm can a little bear do?! We proceeded to lay out lunch meat on the stoop to try to attract a bear! Duh! Okay, so you lay the meat on the stoop to attract a bear! A BEAR!!!?!! What in name of Pete would we have done if a BEAR had come through the screen door to see what the next course was?? Oh. My. Word. I cannot believe how stupid we are sometimes.

But isn't that how we are with each other?? Laying our words and deeds out in front of our loved ones like bear bait? And then we have the nerve to act surprised and hurt when someone comes snarling back at us? Good Grief. I hope God has mercy on us some day and helps us see our own behaviors BEFORE we lay out the bait for one another. I am sure He is getting tired of waiting for us to grow up!

Days of Rubber Boots and Dirt

2008-06-20T09:23:00.003-05:00

Here in the midwest we have had more rainy days than not so far and when you have to take three dogs to potty you can imagine the tracking in that happens! Our dogs are our family too, so you can't help the situation as there would be mutiny if I were to bow to my inner demons and throw the critters outside! Recently some unfeeling, hard-hearted friends have told me that the oldest one, Punkin (a pound-found mix of retriever/shepherd) has gotten FAT!! Can you imagine someone being that cruel and viscious as to say that? My mother said if she were any calmer she would be dead. At any rate, Punkin is obviously very content in her new home. The other two are Suzie (beagle) and Nijia (yorkie). At the back door there is always an assortment of rubber boots because we have so many kids going in and out all the time. We would slip on the boots and walk the dogs and then come back to the sunroom with about enough dirt to plant at least a little herb garden on our feet! I told hubby that I wished we could leave the boots just outside the door upside down so they wouldn't get rained in. I came home from work, and wa-la! There is my new boot rack! Fantastic! Once less mess to clean up - 95 more to go! haha.

Our Tombstone!

2008-06-19T09:51:00.002-05:00

Alrighty then. Here's the story on this rock that we have determined will be our tombstone! Years ago, my father lived in a house here in town that dated from the 1860's. Out front by the street there sat the rock you now see. It was a carriage rock! In the days of the carriages they would have to have something to step out of the carriage onto because it sat so high, and in front of most of the larger homes there would be a permanent rock to step out onto rather than someone having to get a stool. So. . . years later when we lived there my dad got tired of mowing around the carriage rock out front so he moved it back into a landscaped area around the house. (Actually, my dad got tired of mowing around a LOT of things. . . like the three foot deep circular tulip bed around the birdbath that he mowed down - and moved the birdbath against the house in the landscaped area, the sugar maple that was a good four inches around that he chopped down. . . he just likes to mow in a straight line!). When Tim asked me to go out with him on a more steady basis, we were sitting on the carriage rock. . . . three and 1/2 years later when he asked me to marry him we were sitting on the carriage rock. When the sad day came that my dad moved away 14 years ago and had to sell his house we took the carriage rock to our house and put it in my rose garden. Last year when we moved they used a lawn tractor with a trailer to move it to our current home where it will sit until we die. We decided that since it has been the symbol of such big happenings in our lives, it will be the symbol of our final happening! hahaha! What a hoot! We will have to have something really great carved into it. I want something funny that when someone walks by in a hundred years and reads it they bust out laughing. We haven't decided what that might be, but maybe we have a while to think about it! (Hopefully, anyway!) Right now it is sitting in our front yard with peonies on each side. I think I might plant a garden around it. But then again one of us would have to ruin the garden to pull the stone out when we die. Maybe we will just be cremated and sit on the stone in a pretty little jar! That's much less work!

Heaven Wafting by Like Smoke From the Fire

2008-06-11T16:38:00.003-05:00

This evening we are having some friends over to sit beside the fire and roast weinies and marshmallows. I have a dirty house, a yard that needs mown (again), laundry piled, ceilings to paint, our bedroom to paint (we moved in over a year ago and I still don't have it done), and a multitude of other things that are calling my name. However, just for today, I am going to stop and enjoy the evening with people who are crucial to my well-being. I am beginning to learn that all of the chores in life are not as important as seeking contentment and satisfaction in the perfection of small moments. . . . like sitting and staring into the flames of the fire in our backyard while listening to a friend talk about something that is important to them. The kids laughing in the background as they chase lightening bugs. The dogs sitting and staring with an intensity that is scary hoping that you will notice that they would really LOVE a bite of marshmallow. Laying in the hammock watching the martins scope out dinner . . . watching them soar and float just like an eagle even though they are just little birds. Heaven is a good goal to seek and strive for, but I must confess that there is enough heaven in these little moments to fill my soul with a smile.

I hope all of you feel a little touch of Jesus in the wind tonight.

Trying out a blog!

2008-06-10T12:55:00.001-05:00

I am trying out a blog! I think it will be a great way to keep in touch with everyone, but I am a real dummy at all of this, so please be patient.

Hope you will all give me pointers and participate in my venture!